Life, Love & Other Mysteries
Alone.
Driving toward another destination.
Far from where we were meant to be.
The sun is shining
And there’s no rescue here.
You said that there was another
And for this I am grateful.
Thank you.
Makes me wonder
How long it would take before that ball would finally drop.
The sun is shining.
Clouds everywhere.
Driving round and round.
A circle of quiet.
I want to give out.
I want to give in.
Going over a cliff.
Caught in a tailspin.
I told you that I care about you but that wasn’t enough.
I told you that I will do what it takes to make you happy.
But you refused to believe.
Did I do something wrong?
Did I make a wrong turn somewhere?
A one-way street,
Backwards and stalled.
Life has not granted me immunity
From the pain I feel everyday.
Love has taken me through loops
And bound me to the fate I can never escape.
For now, I laugh at this mystery.
Uncovered by time.
Recovered by hate.
If there was any point in my life,
Any point at all,
Where I could find love and lot lose faith,
That time has deserted me.
That place,
Gone,
A Long time ago.
And now,
I am alone.
Driving.
Pass the point,
Where we were meant to be.
©2009 Torrence King. All rights reserved.
_______________________________________________
This poem was written from a personal perspective. Some of which was taken from moments in my life.
It seems as though that moment occurs quite frequently.
I have come to terms with the ups and downs in my life. Particularly, in the realm of relationships. Whether its friendships, family, love life or whatever interactions we humans engage in, I’ve had to accept some things in every department of it.
My father abandoned my sister and me when I was 6. I had only seen him maybe 5-6 times periodically throughout the years after. I had to come to terms with the fact he would never be the father I had great hopes he would be to me. I had to forgive him, I had to move on. When he died, I was not bitter toward him. I felt bad that he didn’t get to know me as well as he should.
My older half-brother had a lot of issues in his life and he just could not come to terms with things before he died. There were very few times he tried to be a brother to me but fell back into patterns of dislike and resentment brought on by various factors. I had to come to terms with the fact that we would never be close. When he died, I remained strong for my mother and did all I could to make things go smoothly at the funeral and burial.
From my father, I received the gift of reading, writing, confidence in speaking to the large masses and charm. For this I am grateful. His lack of fatherly guidance made me seek out the mentoring from the lives of artists, writers and poets like C. S. Lewis and Martin Luther King, Jr. and try to be the best father I can be to my daughter. It also made me want to be an artist and writer.
From my brother, in one brief moment when I was 12, he passed on to me ideas for writing stories and characters that are still a part of my portfolio and resume today.
A person must come to some terms with things in their life, when you try and try and it just doesn’t work out. To keep from being totally frustrated, you take a deep breath and you try to understand and you cope. You make amends. You endure.
When I wrote this poem it was in response to occurrences in my life.
Well, for years now, it would seem that every time I would meet someone, everything would be going good, nothing really to complain about and then….BAM! I get a call, note, etc. Saying that an old flame or ex or whatever was back in the picture….and suddenly I’m out in the cold wind shivering…
My favorite story (and I got lots of them…not just from me but other guys given the ol’ kick in the pants) is when I was just starting to go out with a girl whose ex-boyfriend had dumped her (and he was a real piece of work!)…
So, we went out on a few dates….nothing major really.
On Valentine’s Day, we were to go out, downtown Chicago and have a good time. I come over to her house dressed up and looking good. Feeling good too. She’s dressed up but she’s got something to tell me. She began to tell me that the jerk came over the night before and confessed his love and that he couldn’t live without her and would she take him back. So, she said she would. She also said she would still go out downtown with me but she just wanted to let me know. Well, me, back then, I was so hurt that I didn’t know how to handle it. I just said that it was ok and that I would leave.
I remember driving back home and how nice that Valentine’s Day was. It was a Sunday, I believe and it wasn’t too bad. Sun was out, not too cold for a February in the Midwest.
I kept thinking how beautiful the day was and how crappy I felt.
I found out later that the ex got word that she was dating a guy and went into “Not on my watch!” and came over because he couldn’t stand her being with someone else.
And so goes my life.
As this incident has occurred, others have been even more interesting.
The bottom line is that I’ve tried to follow the road most traveled and have come to terms with it all.
I actual laugh when it happens. I’m so use to it now that it’s funny to me. If it doesn’t happen, then I begin to wonder what’s wrong.
A twisted perspective, I know, but its my life. Someone else may tell stories that are different, but this is mine and mine alone.
So I yield to the way it goes and move on….
Torrence King
