Poem: NOTHING MORE TO GIVE

NOTHING MORE TO GIVE
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Beneath the cold wind,
I have poured myself out.

Once, bottled up,
This feeling I held,
I expressed it
In a manner of false starts.

I know deep inside, how I long for you
But it is not meant to be.

Never have it ever been for me.
Never will it ever be for me.

All these years gone by,
I was so sure I knew.

But I was wrong at every turn,
Going against the flow of traffic,
Speeding into despair.

Is there no love left to believe in?

Is it unattainable?
A dream that is only a reality for some?

I have come to believe that it is real,
For I have felt its warmth,
But my life will not permit it.

I pray and can sense its presence
But it refuses to shine
On the path
Set before me.

What I see farther up the road
Is an open door.
I sit and stare.
Pondering its symbolic meaning.
Then, I realize the key I hold
Await my actions hereafter.

Do I lock away my feelings forever?
Do I chain my love like a prisoner?
The answer is quite obvious.

I have tried to win this battle,
The casualties, however, are more than I can bear.

There is nothing more for me to give here.

Everyone I’ve known has left my side
And alone I stand against the coming tide.

All this love,
All this passion,
Will never be a part of another.

The man that I am,
The soul that strives to live,
The strength that inhabits within
Will not be broken again.

This night, I have found a peace of mind,
An understanding to the why
And the reason.

Honesty is overwhelming,
Revelations a burden.

Too much of a story told,
Better left unsaid.

It cuts too deep
And awakens whatever feelings of regret.

A thousand turns and the final unmasking
Eventually leads to my fears being realized.

Now,
I have had enough.

So much so, that I will force myself to move forward,
Not to think of what could have been.

There is nothing left to lose,
There is nothing left to feel.

The end within a twist,
And a shaking of my fate.

You win,
O Gods of Solitude,
Ye ghosts that haunt ever fiber of my being.
I surrender to every realization
My eyes refused to see.

To the bitter end,
I go grudgingly,
A prelude to feeling numb,
Until the valley calls me onward
To a place where I find rest,
Where hope springs eternal,
And love is always there.

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©2011 Torrence King. All rights reserved. From the poetry-art collection “Satellites and Exits”

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